choosing a cat

Adopting A Cat, Part 2

Posted on Updated on

Male or Female?


Before I ever shared my life with a cat, I was under the misconception that female cats were better. I’m not sure why I thought that other than opinions from friends. My first two cats, Kiggy and Michi, were female and they were great. When we decided (well, I begged and hubby relented) to adopt our third, the shelter recommended adopting a male because they said that female cats would have a harder time accepting another female.

We looked around at the shelter at all the male kittens. We decided on a kitten due to the fact that we already had two and the acceptance of a kitten should be easier. Lucian was a sweet kitten, but we had forgotten how wild they can be. He terrorized our resident queens and made all us miserable. On the recommendation from the shelter, we adopted a fourth. This time we opted for another female, Lucian’s littermate whom we named Liv Tiger. She helped divert his wild energy so that the older cats could stop hiding under the couch and hissing every time he came near.

Liv and Lucian having a cuddle
Liv and Lucian having a cuddle.

After Kiggy and Michi died a year apart from each other, the house seemed empty with only two. We jointly decided to once again add a third. This time we opted for a male because we enjoyed Lucian’s company so much. He is more affectionate than the girls, which just may be his personality. We adopted Wayne and he bonded quickly with Lucian.

Some observations

I’ve lived with 5 cats over the past 19 years. Three female and two male. They have all been wonderful cats with individual personalities. All were spayed or neutered, so behavior problems due to hormonal urges have not been an issue.

  • My male cats have been more destructive as kittens.
    Lucian used to tear and bite rolls of toilet paper or paper towels. Wayne chewed anything he could get his mouth on. We had to put cord protectors to protect both our electronics and Wayne. The girls never got into too much trouble.
  • My male cats are more affectionate than the females.
    Both Wayne and Lucian are snugglers. They follow us from room to room and want to be carried or held. The girls are loving but a little more aloof.
  • My male cats are physically larger.
    Wayne is 18 pounds and Lucian is 15. Liv is only 10 pounds. Michi was only 8 pounds and Kiggy was 10 pounds.
  • Male cats will spray to mark their territory if not neutered. They will also be more territorial and fight other males for dominance.
    My cats were all neutered before reaching sexual maturity. They have never sprayed. 
  • Aggressiveness
    I haven’t noticed any difference in aggressiveness with altered male or female cats. Lucian is somewhat aggressive. When he’s in a bad mood he’ll take it out on his sister. Liv was aggressive with Kiggy and Michi but not with the boys. Wayne is passive. Although he is the largest cat in the household, he is also the most meek. He’ll back down in any confrontation. He still tries to bulk up by bristling his fur on his back and tail to try to look bigger. He’s 34 inches in length and 18 pounds. I’m not sure he needs the illusion of extra size.


In the end, it’s the individual personality of the cat that makes a difference. As long as the cat has been spayed or neutered, gender will not play that big of a role.